All this started with a simple forwarded e-mail, which we usually ignore. I don’t know what triggered my mind, I replied to this e-mail.
The forward was like this:
Talk given to the youth by Shri P. Rajagopalachari
at Lassy, France on July 18, 2003
---------------------------------------- Extraction ---------------------------------------------
I'm sorry to say. Parents don't give guidance; they are too busy with themselves. A time there was when mothers never worked, so they provided the source of happiness, love and protection. Today, all women work. So they are no more to be looked upon as sources of love and protection. They are immersed in their own life, making their life. So children are largely left to themselves, and they grow in an atmosphere of both aspiration and resentment. They resent that they don't get enough attention from their parents, who are too busy to look after them, who are too busy earning money to waste on holidays, about which I was talking this morning. You would rather have some love in the family than a big holiday in Nice or, I don't know, Antibes, wherever it is, isn't it?
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Me:
Why blame only women community? What is the problem if they work? Does that mean that they don’t pay attention to their kids? If it’s the sole responsibility of a mother to take care of the child then what for fathers? Children need "parents" not 'only' mother. I agree to the point that the children need love and affection not money, I do not agree that the working women are so immersed in their 'own' life, so they don’t pay attention to the kids. Her 'life' starts from home and ends at home. I don’t know to what he is mentioning about 'her own life'.
Reply:
I would like to bring to your notice that I am neither opposing any female working nor telling that non-working women is good at running family. I agree completely what is been told over your reply. Yes, kid needs parents, and both father and mother have responsibility when it comes to kids. But I feel that the way Shri P. Rajagopalachari telling in the context of "Mother is the first teacher, Mother is the first god, etc".
When you consider in that context, mother has a big role in bringing the child up. To answer your question What is father responsibility, from our ancient time, father is known for head of family who is responsible for providing all the necessary things to run the family including earnings, security, etc. where as mother is to run the family.
You said that "Her life starts from home and ends at home". How much time a working women afford to give to her family (specifically to child) than compared to non-working women.
If both father and mother is working and if they are not leaving with parents, then surely they will drop the kid in the day-care center and go to office. And pick the child in the evening. By that time both parents are tiered and they hardly could give time to child. Mean while she has to cook and clean the house, and father has to manage child till she cooks and cleans. So imagine how many hours they are spending time with child. And what the child should think? I feel the child will have more bondage with child care lady than parents, because they spend hardly few hours in a day except weekend. (I don’t want to explain what happens in the weekend too to the child) Do you think the child really gets what it is suppose to get at that age?
One last thing, there are many reason a women go to work. it may be to support family financially or to brighten up her own career etc. but she being a mother has a major role to play in bringing child up and she has to balance it and father has to help her too. I feel this is what Shri was trying to covey.
Me:
I do respect your thoughts. If Mr.X is telling that both Father and Mother have equal responsibility in bringing up a child, then, yes, I completely agree. But if he says only one has to sacrifice, completely disagreed (not from child perspective, from the other one of two).
What has been followed from years may not be applicable for the present conditions, things and thoughts need a re-look and re-tuning to adjust and accommodate the present and the betterment of it.
I do have a question from those thoughts. “She has to cook and clean the house”. Why not 'he'? Actually my question was why not 'both'?
Do you know the other side of the story? Some time or the other kids feel why my mother is not working? For example, I used to feel, why my mother is not a teacher? Or she doesn’t go to office? She has so much time at home, why doesn’t she write something? ('I' includes some of my friends whose mothers are 'house wives') Working is not just money, its talent. Why spoil it between the 4 walls restricting it to husband and kids and at the end no one bothers? Consider 2 engineering grads, one rank student (assume girl, I know guys also get ranks) and one who struggles to pass out (assume guy, I know girls also do this). Both can work. But girl need not because, one day she'll get married and become a mother? But no condition on the earth stops a guy working, though that girl is more talented than him! Once the kid starts going to school, how much time it needs? Before going to school and after coming from school, Mean while?
Any way, every situation or a problem has many perspectives and thoughts, which are right in their own way. And every solution has its own advantages and disadvantages. We have to set our priorities and choose the best for us.
BTW I am not so called 'feministic'. I just believe in equally shared responsibilities and a balanced society, where every one has their own space and yet live in harmony and with the family bondage!
Reply:
This time I am saying about my thoughts than what was quoted by Shri.
I do agree with your thoughts, but have few points to share.
Is it good to think that taking care of her own child as a sacrifice? I don't think any mother would like to keep her own child in dark and think of something else. If so that may be unnatural.
Your way of thinking about both doing home work is good thought. But think practically, there should be some one to look after for child especially at very young age of child. Just check with any of your friend who are married and have a child.
Do you think it is waste of talent being at home even though she is rank holder in college? (Not all rank holder at smart) Check out asking females to work and let their husband stay at home and do home work. I feel this is a good approach to re-think and re-look of what is been followed from generation. Hope you find some one.
But there are some profession which allow female to work as well spend good amount of time for child / home. She has to think of those than pursuing what is was specialized in being smart enough to be a rank holder.
Once again, all I am saying is Mother has major role in bringing child up and she should give first preference to child than her talent, career, etc. etc. What is use of being educated if she is not able to take care of her own child giving good amount of time? Education is not just for only to pursue job, it is to understand the world, way of life.
Me:
I really don’t know why I started this mail chain, when I looked into the thoughts of Shri..
It may be because I feel uncomfortable, when only women are blamed in situations, where both men and women have the equal responsibilities.
I do not deny any of the importance of mother in a child's life, but I am proud of it. It’s such a divine task, in which she is responsible for a life. I am only concerned about those who take the advantage of it and escape from their responsibilities.
I am only trying to convey that 'only' responsibility can be made as 'shared' responsibility, in which again the 'major' contribution is from her. Yes. I do agree and already mentioned, from the perspective of Mother and Child, nothing is sacrifice for her own child. If a father does something extra from his earning duty, that is also for his own child. But what I am seeing is He can choose to do it. She has to do it.
I agree that every rank holder is not talented. That was just an example. But I hope you do not deny that that given a chance, many women are capable of doing what a working man is doing, may be even better. Yes, I still say it as a waste of talent, where many could have been benefited in place of just her own kid and husband.
What I feel from what I have seen is, this Motherhood, great responsibility, making of a life etc etc, are just great words. The job of so called 'House Wife' is just taken for granted, while it is most difficult and responsible job. What respect she gets from her family and children for her service? Apart from doing all the things she has to be a part of the blame game, if something goes wrong (even minor).This is the general status, I am not taking about anyone in particular. There may be exceptions for the better also, which can give us some space for relief.
Though it is her duty to bring up the child, she should get her due credit for job well done. After all, how many of us realize and act up on our duties and responsibilities? As you know, not even a single mother expects something in return. But, when I see it from outside the frame, I feel, why she is doing it, after all, at the end nothing is there for her?? Why she has to depend on someone for her life, when she has spent her whole life for family?? So, working is not just money, it’s about understanding the world around, the way of life.
Reply:
After all these conversation, I feel we both have a common thinking but the approach is different.
Me: (didn’t reply, but thought)
When the whole understanding was based on different ideas, how the thinking can be common? When the approach is different, how can the thinking be common?
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